Children and the Joy of Giving

Many young children have a generous spirit, often nurtured by a parent or loved one. It’s a quality worth emulating.

My mother once told me the story of a young girl she came to know, maybe six or seven years old, raised by her grandmother who lived in a little home in Central Florida. They lived on a fixed income, and money was tight. Occasionally, one of the little girl’s friends would spend the night.

“We don’t have much,” the little girl told my mother, “but we share what we have.”

My mother smiled when she told me that story. She guessed the little girl was repeating what her grandmother had told her.

While my wife and I try to teach our young daughter the importance of sharing, it’s most rewarding to see her learn the joy of generosity on her own.

By age five, our daughter had collected more than 60 stuffed animals and teddy bears. Around Christmastime, I asked if she’d choose one to donate to a needy child. She methodically sorted through all her dolls and teddy bears – she had named each one – but she didn’t like the idea of parting with any of them. I think she was still processing the concept of giving one of her beloved teddy bears to another child.

Eventually, it sank in: she had dozens of dolls; other children had none. After a little more thought, she handed me a brown teddy bear in excellent condition. Shortly after, I overheard her telling my wife she wanted to donate some clothes she had outgrown.

A year later, without any prompting, my daughter decided to sort through her bears and dolls again. This time, she chose more than 20 to give away. She was candid about part of her motivation: she wanted to make room for new dolls and bears. But she was clear that she wanted other children to enjoy her old toys, too. She smiled as she said it, and I knew she had learned one of life’s most rewarding lessons: the joy of giving.

The truth about Santa Claus — and Christmas

<I originally posted this almost two years ago. While I’ve never repeated a post before, I decided to do so now in celebration of Christmas. Have a wonderful holiday!>

Before I became a parent, I thought it a bit cruel to teach children the fantasy of Santa Claus.

Mind you, I wasn’t a scrooge. I wasn’t traumatized when I learned the truth myself as a child, and I still love celebrating Christmas. I also wasn’t overly concerned about the commercialization of the holiday or that Santa has usurped Jesus’ birth as reason to celebrate. I could tackle those problems as a parent.

I simply thought it mean-spirited to build up such an exciting fantasy in the very young, only to crush it for them a few years later. I was like Maureen O’Hara in Miracle on 34th Street.

Now that I’m a parent, I’ve changed my mind.

I realize now that the pre-parent “me” had missed the point because I had focused too narrowly on the literal existence of Santa. In my daughter’s eyes, Santa is indeed real because he manifests Christmas itself – except 5-year-children don’t talk about “manifesting reality” – they think instead of a jolly old guy in a red suit.

In my daughter’s eyes, mermaids and monsters exist; Mickey Mouse REALLY lives in Orlando; and reindeer can fly all over the world, safely landing on rooftops. It all makes sense. She’s not as focused on the reality of Santa Claus as she is the magic of Christmas. She’s at too tender an age to separate the two. By teaching her about Santa Claus, it makes teaching her the magic of Christmas – the important things – much easier.

Today, I enjoy seeing her enthusiasm for Santa Claus. It’s not cruel; it makes sense in her world. When she is a few years older and the realities of life come sharper into focus, the truth about Santa Claus will make sense, too.

Now I understand.

Giving children “everything” without giving too much

Like most parents, my wife and I try to give the best to our daughter without spoiling her. Sometimes, it’s tough knowing where to draw the line.

Just for fun, we once took a weekend trip to Charleston, South Carolina. As we strolled through an outdoor market in the town’s historic district, we came upon a table of hand-made Russian nesting dolls. There were about two dozen sets of the colorful matryoshka, each presented in a different theme: animals, children, flowers.

The dolls were beautiful; my 7-year-old daughter was mesmerized. She eyed each set carefully, working up the courage to ask if I’d buy her one.

I silently mulled how I’d answer her. These weren’t children’s dolls; these were collectibles. The cheapest set was $28, and they escalated in price to about $120. She was looking at a cute set of Panda bears that ran $40.

Candidly, price was not the real issue. I had other concerns. I wondered if she’d enjoy the dolls for an afternoon and then relegate them to a box in her room – home to many other “gotta have it” toys and dolls.

In fairness, on occasion she’ll pull out a stuffed bear or ignored souvenir from another vacation, using it to help recall a fun memory from the trip. Maybe she’d assign a warm memory to the dolls.

On the other hand, my daughter was going through a “I-want-to-buy-something-everywhere-we-go” phase. We often said yes – too often.

Ultimately, I said “no” to the dolls. They were too extravagant for a casual souvenir. My daughter curled her lip for a minute but didn’t complain. I think she understood. Later, we let her choose an $8 children’s book from another booth, and she was happy.

Did I draw the line at the right time – or did I deny her the chance to begin a lifetime love of collecting Russian dolls?

I think I made the right decision, but I’m constantly wondering where to draw that line…..

Time for holiday safety tips!

The holidays are here, meaning it’s time to set up the tree, break out the lights and decorate the house. It’s also a good time to remember these safety tips for children, courtesy of the American Academy of Pediatrics:

1)  When purchasing an artificial tree, look for the label “Fire Resistant.” Not all trees carry this label.

2)  When purchasing a live tree, cut a few inches off the trunk to expose the fresh wood. This allows for better water absorption and will help to keep your tree from drying out and becoming a fire hazard.

3) Keep the tree stand filled with water, because heated rooms can dry live trees out rapidly.

4) Never use electric lights on a metallic tree. The tree can become charged with electricity from faulty lights, and a person touching a branch could be electrocuted.

5)  Turn off all lights when you go to bed or leave the house. The lights could short out and start a fire.

6) In homes with small children, keep trimmings with small removable parts out of the reach of children to avoid the child swallowing or inhaling them; avoid trimmings that resemble candy or food that may tempt a young child to eat them. 

7) Young children can choke on small parts contained in toys or games. Government regulations specify that toys for children under age three cannot have parts less than 1 1/4 inches in diameter and 2 1/4 inches long.

8) Keep hot liquids and foods away from the edges of counters and tables, where they can be easily knocked over by a young child.

9) Remember that homes you visit may not be childproofed. Similarly, if your visitors are bringing small children into a home without young kids, consider temporarily “child proofing” the house beforehand.

10) Do not burn wrapping papers in the fireplace. A flash fire could result as wrappings ignite suddenly and burn intensely. Also, never burn evergreens in the fireplace. Dry wood can burn like tinder, and sparks could fly into the room or up the chimney to ignite

 Have a safe and wonderful holiday season!