Marriage and parenthood work for me

Getting married and becoming a parent aren’t the right choices for everyone, but they’ve been wonderful decisions for me.

 

 

My wife and young daughter have taught me more about myself – and about living life in the moment – than I realized I didn’t know.

 

I’ve always wanted to get married, but candidly I didn’t always know if I wanted children. It was after I married my wife, when I was 34, that I gladly became a father at age 36. It was a big leap for me because I’m not much of a risk taker.

 

In high school, I was too shy to date or even attend a school dance. Early in my senior year, I decided I should go to at least one dance during high school – so I quietly slipped into a dance at our gym for a peek. I sat by myself on the bleachers soaking in the music and lights, just people watching. I liked it, which surprised me a bit, but I never budged from the bleachers that night. Later that year, I asked a girl out for the first time, to our senior prom. Nervously and awkwardly, I danced. I wasn’t any good but I liked it.

 

It occurs to me that getting married is a lot like walking into the dance. You don’t have to go, but you may be missing out if you never try. Having a child is like getting out on the dance floor. It’s a lot more nerve-wracking than sitting on the sidelines; you don’t always know what you’re doing; and it wears you out – but it’s a great experience.

 

Marriage and parenthood are not for everybody, but they’ve been wonderful adventures for me.  

Separating Online Fact from Fiction

Since the Internet’s invention, people online have blurred fact and fiction. Over the last couple of years, the blurring has grown quite inventive.

 

Many Internet tall tales are benign – people on dating sites listing themselves as “29 when they are closer to “40” – while in rare cases, they can be dangerous.

 

Consider these examples:

 

In the harmless category, I think of lonelyGirl15, who back in 2006 purported to be a 16-year-old girl named Bree with a bedroom webcam posting gossipy videos of herself on YouTube. It became a big hit – but the girl was an actress and the videos were professionally produced.  

 

In another case, media outlets questioned whether singer Marie Digby was really a talented but amateur musician who was discovered after posting homemade videos of herself performing on YouTube – or if she had long before signed with Hollywood records, and the YouTube videos were a PR stunt to imply she was an unknown gem.

 

Or have you seen the popular video of flying saucers over Haiti – the UFOs are very realistic – that turned out to be computer generated?

 

In each of these cases, we were sucked into watching something contrived that we thought was spontaneous.

 

In one of the saddest cases, a 13-year-old Missouri girl killed herself recently over a failed Internet romance that turned out to be a hoax. A woman involved faces up to 20 years in prison for allegedly using a MySpace page to pose as a 16-year-old boy and feign romantic interest in the girl. After her online love interest spurned her — telling her the world would be a better place without her – the girl killed herself.

 

While there are many other examples, let me know of specific cases worth mentioning and I’ll add them to this post.

 

I think it will become increasingly difficult to distinguish fact from fiction on the Internet as technology becomes more user-friendly and its capabilities more sophisticated, as companies and entrepreneurs are challenged to find creative ways to attract viewers, and as the Internet becomes even more pervasive in people’s lives. I’ll state the obvious and say to be careful about believing everything you read or see on-line.

Flying this summer? Book now!

If you plan to fly this summer, buy your airline tickets now. Rising fuel costs and the usual summer demand are driving ticket prices higher and higher, so the longer you wait, the more you are likely to pay.

 

For example, a week before Memorial Day, I checked roundtrip airfare from Orlando to San Juan, Puerto Rico for a July departure. Travelocity quoted me $215 roundtrip on Spirit Airlines (nonstop, after all taxes and fees). Although this was an excellent price, my plans were uncertain so I didn’t book it – oops. I checked back about 10 days later and the price had risen to $232. I booked it, but my hesitation cost me $51 because I needed three tickets. Out of curiosity, I checked this same flight again a week later (early June). The lowest nonstop price among all airlines was still Spirit Airlines, but the cost had risen to $289. This is a $57 increase per ticket for the exact same flight originally quoted at $215 three weeks earlier

 

Don’t blame, Spirit, though. Some of this cost increase is likely due to rising demand for summer tickets. But fuel prices are certainly a factor. To combat it, Continental Airlines, United Airlines, American Airlines and Delta Air Lines all have announced major layoffs in recent weeks.

 

Also, note that some airlines now charge fees for checked baggage for domestic economy class. For example, Spirit charges $10 for the first checked bag (if you pay in advance on-line; or $20 if you pay at the airport) and another $20 for your second bag. American, United and US Airways all charge $15 for your first checked bag and $25 for your second. These fees are charged EACH way, so double them if you fly roundtrip. And buyer beware when comparing airline rates: travel websites might not include the new checked luggage fee in their on-line quotes.

 

Fees or no fees, my advice is to book early.

The Falling Leaves of Friendship

As I watched my young daughter play with a friend this afternoon, I overheard her playmate say, “We’re best friends forever!”

 

I smiled and thought about a few of my own childhood forever friendships long since ended, then remembered a poem by Oliver Wendell Holmes that begins “Youth fades, love droops; the leaves of friendship fall….”

 

Friendships, I reflected, usually are not forever. For me, it’s been one of life’s most melancholic lessons.

 

My father was in the Navy, so from the time I was born until I headed off to college we moved every two or three years. I’d make friends in each new city, then we’d move 1,000 miles away and I’d never see those friends again. I enjoyed living in new places, but it was hard leaving friends again and again. By high school, I was tired of it. I assumed that once I got to college, I’d be old enough to make lifelong friends. And surely when I settled down – got married, bought a house – friends would be forever. I blamed the ephemeral nature of my friendships on youth and our military lifestyle.

 

In college, I was bemused by a professor once telling our class, “If you make three friends for life, consider yourself lucky.” Only three lifelong friends, I thought? Such poverty of friendship! In college alone, I met three great friends, people I knew would remain great friends 50 years later. After college, though, those friendships slowly melted away, as regular visits and phone calls turned to an occasional birthday or Christmas card, and finally to nothing. In the subsequent years, I enjoyed other wonderful friendships, each lasting a few years until fading away because of marriage, divorce, a job change or some other major life event. Eventually, I realized that my professor had been right.

 

Today, my wife is my best friend, and I still exchange an annual email or two with my best friend from high school, though he lives 1,300 miles away. I think those two friendships will last forever, leaving me one friend short from being lucky. I’m an optimistic guy, though, which is why I’ve got one eye trained on the tree of friendship, looking for another leaf I hope will never fall.